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Insanity and the wedding dress

May 29, 2013

“And now POWER SQUATS, 2, 3, 4 and hold it for a minute, and down into the plank..let’s go for MOVING PRESS UPS…Wooooooh”

If you pass by the hall just round the corner from my house any time between 6 and 7am on a weekday and see a small sweaty ball on the floor, whimpering slightly, feel free to come and say hello – it will be me.  I’m on a fitness kick and the latest fad to take my fancy is the aptly named “Insanity”.  This is a (and I quote) “60 Day Total Body Conditioning Program [sic]” which promises me “the hardest body I’ve ever had”.  Yikes. 


It’s devised by a chap called Sean “I’m too cool for a surname” T and is every day for 2 months.  It’s so tough that even the people in the exercise class on the DVD who are, to a man/woman, disgustingly toned and fit, have to drop out of the exercises quite regularly.  That makes me feel better when I’ve collapsed on the floor yet again.

The last time I tried an exercise DVD it was with the lovely Davina McCall. I put the DVD in the machine, made a cup of tea, put a couple of biscuits on a plate and had a very enjoyable half hour watching her work really rather hard. I think I may have done the odd sit up (after I’d finished my hobnob) just to keep her company.  It was another piece in the jigsaw puzzle of self-awareness – home fitness DVDs and me are not compatible.

Happily, I’m joined in my personal insanity by some other fool-hardy people and it would just be embarrassing if I produced a packed breakfast and got stuck in whilst they are jumping around, so peer pressure means that this is going a little better.

My inspiration for weight loss, apart from a wardrobe full of clothes that I haven’t been able to wear since I had J, was a good friend.  She organised an amazing party for her husband’s 40th birthday last year.  The theme was “My Favourite Things” and so she wore her wedding dress.  She’s had 4 children since she got married, including twins.  I’ve never been so impressed in my life.  Unfortunately when I asked her how she managed to stay so slim the response was the deeply unsatisfactory “I am careful about what I eat”.    No pill.  No exercise regime so hideous that it has to be good for you.  No magic bullet.  No, just a sensible balanced diet.  

I am sufficiently self-aware that I know that I cannot possibly be that disciplined.  Without an external force or plan, I will just eat cake and chocolate.  And so I’ve adopted the ever-so-trendy 5-2 diet.  It’s undoubtedly the first (and most probably the last) time that I’ve ever been trendy. It involves eating 500 calories for a woman and 600 for a man twice a week on non-consecutive days.  On the other days you can relax, but preferably not binge!  

There are all sorts of wonderful recipes published so you can whip up a 3 course chinese buffet for supper and still have calories left over for pudding.  However I have a life and 2 small children so my 500 calorie day is:

One weetabix with milk for breakfast

One egg on toast for lunch

1/2 a tin of baked beans on toast for tea.

It’s not the most exciting of meals, but it does the job and, so far, seems to be working.  I’m not sure I could fit into my wedding dress just yet, but maybe soon(ish).  I’ll keep you posted!

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  1. neilrussell permalink

    your publicists have pointed me in the direction of your wonderful blog! It is so well written and I shall enjoy following your activities.


    • Thanks Neil. I love your blog too (it’s on my blogroll) so we can be a mutual appreciation society now!


  2. Great post 🙂 Reading this has definitely inspired me to push myself more in my workouts. Best of luck with everything and keep pushing.


    • Thank you so much. I don’t think I’ve ever inspired anyone to do exercise so this is an exciting first for me! Best of luck to you too.


      • Well you should be proud, I am sure people look up to you even if they don’t say it. If you ever want to read funny and inspirational stories from my life, you are more than welcome to come by my blog and have a Cup of Joe 🙂


      • You’re very kind. I shall indeed be strolling past a Cup of Joe. See you there!


      • I really appreciate it. Thank you 🙂 Hope you enjoy.


  3. Would it make you feel better if I told you that last night’s supper was cake mixture?

    And that I happen to think you’re awesome… xx


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