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The Other Woman

July 2, 2013

There is another woman in H’s life and she’s trumping me on every front.  H is absolutely besotted.  I don’t know whether the allure is that she’s older (she’s 5) or that she doesn’t return his affection in the slightest (hard to get) but he’s got it bad. 

We see her a lot at playdates and it’s pitiful.  H follows her around, dribbling.  That’s not a figure of speech, it’s a fact.  Last week she came into where the mummies were sitting drinking coffee (we let them play and only react if there are screams or un-nerving silence) and complained that H was licking her arm.  I think he’d been doing it for quite some time.  I’m not sure what I think about his response that he was being a horse.  It raises issues of its own. 

As I said, she’s not at all bothered about H.  She’s in love with my other friend’s son (also 5) who is, in turn, mainly interested in frogs and lego.  It’s tragic. 

Today, however, things took a turn for the worse.  We were all at the pool.  H wears pool shoes when we swim as you could knock out a decent stir fry on the paving slabs around the rim of the pool at the moment.  She took her shoes off.  H then wanted to take his shoes off.  I told him he couldn’t.  H screamed.  He screamed VERY loudly.  His beloved wasn’t wearing shoes.  He was being forced to wear shoes.  It was clearly symbolic of their tortured star-crossed love…for him at least. She wasn’t bothered and went to check out the snacks. 

I gave in in the end.  He took his shoes off.  What was I to do?  This wasn’t supposed to happen now.  I am supposed to be the most important woman in my sons’ lives until they are, oh, 32 at least when they will be permitted to start dating someone suitable (of my choosing). That’s right, isn’t it?

And I’m not sure that H’s intentions are, in any case, strictly honourable.  A couple of nights ago I was trying to distract him at bed time by telling him a story.  As usual, he was a knight and he was on a mission, the successful conclusion of which would win him the hand of the fair maiden he adores.  With some inevitability I got to the “And then Prince H and Princess J were married and lived happily ever after”.  I was more than a little shocked when H, with a huge smile on his face, then piped up with “and had lots of babies”.  

I’m going to have to call in the cavalry on this one.  I can do no more.  It’s over to his father…

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3 Comments
  1. Sara permalink

    That is hilarious! I am so sorry we missed it!

    Like

  2. You would have seen H getting very hot feet and trying to look like it didn’t bother him. At least he’s learnt that sometimes you have to suffer for true love (unless you listen to your mother).

    Like

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