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One Leg Good: Two Legs….Deeply Uncool

November 11, 2013
H was drawing a skeleton in class (they’re studying bones at the moment). It was full-size so he only drew one arm and leg as it was too much work to do two, apparently.  Miss S, his teacher, mentioned that there was a one-legged man selling newspapers at the traffic lights and H should try to spot him next time we were driving through.
“My Mummy has one leg,” H said.
Miss S paused and looked at him. “I’m sure your Mummy has two legs.”
“No, Mummy has one leg,” he insisted.
Again, another appraising look from Miss S.  “I’ve seen your Mummy and I’m sure she has two legs.”
Harry paused.
“Yes, she does have two legs,” he admitted despondently. “It would be so much cooler if she just had one.”
I know I’m bound to fail pretty much every coolness test going.  I’ve never been cool.  My first ever record purchase was Paul McCartney and the Frog Chorus shortly followed by “Daddy’s Home” by Cliff Richard.  It’s been downhill since then.
I buy proper clothes from M&S, years after everyone else stopped using them for anything other than food or underwear. I bought skinny jeans 3 years after they became fashionable and only because I couldn’t tuck my boot leg jean into my wellies (not even Hunters) in a comfortable way.  I couldn’t tell you any of the acts from Glastonbury this year but I can recite every word from The Kids From Fame soundtrack.
As I said, I don’t expect my children to think I’m cool.  I just didn’t think I’d fail so early, or because I, apparently, have one too many working limbs.
  1. Aunty Ailsa permalink

    Remember Bobbitty declared you were cool on more than one occasion!!!


  2. iotamanhattan permalink

    Too many legs. That’s a crushing indictment from your son.


  3. Skinny jeans will officially be out of fashion when I buy a pair. I haven’t yet so you’re ok.

    And honestly, aren’t the nicest people you know (myself included, clearly) the ones who’re deeply and profoundly uncool?


  4. Fun Read and I just love the caption of your blog 🙂


  5. i still persist tucking bootleg jeans into my boots because even the thought of wearing skinny jeans is enough for me to flee any clothes shop. the baggy knee look however firmly cements me in the uncool group, looking more like a farmer than a fashionista.


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